Thursday, September 8, 2016

Wedding Planners, Are You a Guide? Or a Dictator?

What’s your style of working with clients?

Do you offer information and resources as suggestions, or do you TELL the client how it is? Is it your way or the highway? If they choose another path to take other than the one you’ve planned, do you get upset and resentful? Do you withhold the best of your creativity from your working relationship? Ugh, I’ve been there. I’ve done it. Guilty as charged. Without meaning to, of course, no malice aforethought, just an overworked, burned out wedding planner who lacked perspective. But let me tell you, managing any type of business to consumer relationship in a dictatorial fashion is one of the fastest ways to foster distrust and discontent. And what a damn shame that is, truly. Why? Because you may maintain control of the details but you’ll lose the client. Planning and designing weddings is not just about the day itself. It’s the journey to get there in the months and weeks of working closely together that, if unpleasant or stressful, will either mean a broken agreement, a dearth of referrals or a dead end relationship.

What can you do to STOP it?

In my experience, you first have to see it for what it is. Uncomfortable! For you and for the client! Being honest with yourself that something is currently not working with your method. Once you’ve come clean with yourself that it sucks and needs to change, helps you move to the why? Why are you holding on so tight? The willingness to acknowledge the toxic emotions under the surface may help end your damaging approach before it’s too late to salvage the hard won connection. So, are you a dictator?

Here are FIVE QUESTIONS to help you determine “Am I a Dictator with my clients?”

1)  Does everything revolve around you? Not the client. Not the bride and groom. Does everything have to mold around your schedule, your idea, your vendors, your vision?

2) Do you obsessively control every aspect of the wedding, from the event professionals and the scope of their work, to each minute detail? Can you delegate tasks to the client, their family, or other vendors? Or do you keep it all to yourself?

3)  Do you use fear to inspire loyalty, creativity and partnership?

4)  Do you need to be right? Always? If the client makes a point or request, do you claim it or rip it apart? all because you just have to be RIGHT?

5)  Are you ever wrong? Do you pass the blame to others when something doesn’t work? Is being wrong even an option?

When you tell anyone the way it has to be, that advice is not coming from a place of generosity and wisdom. Rather, it’s coming from your own sense of fear and insecurity. Seriously, do you know what the real motive is behind your inflexible direction? In many cases, as it often was for me, it stems from a desire or need to control the situation. Yes, CONTROL, that 7-letter word that is both a project manager’s friend and foe. But, I’m sorry to say, you can’t control it all. And certainly, you can’t control the client’s every move. Or the hundreds of professionals and guests involved!

And, frankly, if the client chooses NOT to follow the plan or advice you’ve offered, so what? Let it go. Don’t let their decision to go another way impact your own sense of self worth or professional value. Each client has his or her own goals in mind, not to mention, the background story, relationship intricacies, financial parameters, and marketing perspective that you may not be privy to.

Think of it like asking for directions, either they go the direction you say or they don’t. One way or the other, they’re probably going to get married anyway. Why twist yourself into a pretzel in the process?

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Comments ( 0 ) | Posted in Perspective, Random, Small Business, Wedding Planner Coach
Thursday, April 14, 2016

{Branding} Tone of Voice is Everything

As I prepare for another client workshop on brand awareness, spending hours reviewing their marketing materials, social media, and website copy, and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on, I am amazed again at what I see. That confused message, that all-over-the-place brand voice that may have started off clear at the beginning, but has gotten lost along the way. Trust me, I know how easy it is to get confused, particularly when social media marketing crashed the party. But if ever there was a time to take another look at your brand’s tone of voice, it’s now. It’s tomorrow, it’s every single day. Developing a unique way of speaking to your audience, and then maintaining that voice consistently through all your marketing efforts, is key in creating your true, authentic brand.

“The art of marketing is the art of brand building. If you are not a brand you are a commodity. Then price is everything and the low cost producer is the only winner.” Philip Kotler, Professor at the Kellogg School of Management

Ah, and there it is, right? Beautifully spoken by the wise Philip Kotler. How many times have we complained to other entrepreneurs about a potential client “price shopping” us, or pushing us to talk fees before they’ve heard who we are and what we offer? If that happens to you too often, it’s time to revisit your brand messaging. Are you clear as to who you are, what you do, and what differentiates you from others? Does your brand identity resonate through your tone of voice used online?

The tone of voice is not what you say, but how you say it.

This includes not only the words you choose, but their order, rhythm and pace. When seen in the world of business and marketing, the phrase ‘tone of voice’ generally refers to written, rather than spoken, words. A little confusing, right? But suffice it to say, a company’s tone of voice will inform and populate all of its written copy, including its website, blog, social media, newsletters, brochures, advertisements, emails, and packaging.

Your tone of voice is also an expression of the people behind the brand.

Again, brand voice is not just what a company does, but who it is that makes it a brand. A tone of voice both embodies and expresses the brand’s personality and set of values. It’s about the people that make up the brand – the things that drive them, their loves and hates, and what they want to share with the world.

Does your brand voice set you apart from your competitors, is it unique?

It’s like knowing you shouldn’t eat that piece of cake but you eat it anyway. We all know that a lasting brand is a unique brand. A one of a kind message that everyone has to have even if they don’t want it. When we set out to create our creative businesses, aren’t we striving to offer the world something new, something fresh, something totally ours? A brand’s tone of voice should be distinctive, recognizable and, you got it, UNIQUE. We all use words and language – both written and spoken – in our own distinctive manner. Thankfully, as humans, we each have our own idiosyncrasies, humor, favorite expressions, inflections, rhythm, and so on. Harness that originality and use it in your brand voice.

A clear tone of voice can move mountains.

It’s no secret that carefully crafted words are powerful influencers. Reviewing your brand identity, revisiting where it is now, today, and then breaking down that identity into a working, authentic brand voice, is persuasion personified. Let your tone of voice tell the story of your business on a grand, mission level as well as a daily, working level.

By and large, a successful tone of voice should go without notice. The aim is not for your clients to  remark on your pretty website, or your tremendous writing but, instead, to remark on your great business. When your brand voice is clear and consistent, the brand message is trusted, believed and BOUGHT.

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Comments ( 0 ) | Posted in Branding
Tuesday, April 1, 2014

{Perspective} Finding Hope with Photo-a-Day

photo-a-day blogging


Well, let me explain. For several months now I have watched a dear friend find tremendous relief from depression by taking a “photo a day” and sharing it on Instagram. Then, another friend seemed to be finding strength in recovery from food addiction by doing the same. So, of course, as I too am looking for relief from the combined two diseases noted above, here I am, giving it a try. One photo a day, one day at a time.


Easy. You simply grab your phone or camera and snap a photo of whatever is suggested on the monthly list above. {The number corresponds to the date of the month}. Once you’ve got the snap, share it on your favorite social media platform or on all of them at once. Just make sure to add the hashtag #fmsphotoaday in the caption or status update to allow other like-minded folk to find you online. Because the beauty of this idea, or at least one on the restorative beauties, is to share. Post your photo so others can see what you do, and look for their photos to experience what they see. How they interpret the daily challenge. What they see through their lens. What their world looks like.


What I hope to gain from taking the Fat Mum Slim Photo a Day Challenge is many-faceted indeed. Hope. Growth. Joy. Change. Perspective. Because all of them ultimately may lead to relief and freedom.


Take the challenge yourself. Join the fun. If you’re late to the party, so what. Start anyway. Today is what matters. Do it for the simple joy of seeing something new today. Why not? To learn more about how #fmsphotoaday works, hop on over to where it all began, on Fat Mum Slim’s super cool blog.

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Saturday, March 1, 2014

{Random} March into Spring

spring quotes inspirational sayings recovery

Ah, yes. It’s the first day of March and the sun is indeed hot and the wind is truly brittle and cold. But the warmth of the sun gives me hope that Spring is just around the corner… and a healthy dose of HOPE is all that it takes to remind me that this dormant, icy season is what I need to better appreciate the rebirth of Spring as it approaches.

Growing up in Southern California meant one season blended into another without dramatic change. I find that climatic change to be invigorating and exciting as it speaks to the primitive creature inside me. It calls forth the celebration of a new day, a new chance to start again…

{Quote by Charles Dickens from Great Expectations with artwork from Dear Lillie}

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Friday, February 14, 2014

{Happy Valentine’s Day} Snow in Love

valentine's day, snow hearts

“Hearts are not had as a gift, they are earned.” – Yeats { via the Style Files }

I must day, looking back at last year’s Valentine’s Day, when my world seemed to be spinning in darkness and despair, my marriage crumbling into tiny pieces and my heart breaking wide open, I would never have thought I would be where I am today. And where is that? In a happy, fulfilling relationship with my husband. Miracles do happen. I know that now. Personal crises, marriage counseling, faith strengthening and total surrender all came together to stitch up the pieces of my heart. What remains is a stronger, more open heart and willing spirit to see my husband as the beautiful, flawed human he is. And he is truly amazing and I am truly grateful to have him in my life.



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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

{Bridal Gowns} The Romance of Sareh Nouri

wedding gowns

Having just finished working on a delightfully romantic photo shoot with the equally delightful creative team of Millie Batista of By Millie B Photography and  the beauty artistry of Magda’s Designs, I felt it totally appropriate to share their lovely editorial shoot of Sareh Nouri’s 2014 Bridal Collection.

The elegance and femininity of Sareh’s dreamy bridal gowns are captured beautifully by Millie’s romantic eye and Magda’s gift of softness. As you can see, each wedding gown in the 2014 Sareh Nouri Bridal Collection features delicate details, whether that means overlays of tulle, layers of organza,  or beaded lace from world-renown lace designer Sophie Hallette. As I said, and as I will say again and again, just LOVELY…

wedding gowns

wedding gowns

sareh nouri 13

sareh nouri 20

sareh nouri 24

sareh nouri 21

sareh nouri 12

sareh nouri 16

sareh nouri 18

sareh nouri 22

sareh nouri 28

sareh nouri 15

sareh nouri 23

sareh nouri 25

{Photographer: by Millie B Photography; Veils & Headpieces: Enchanted Atelier by Liv Hart; Floral Design: Reverie Events; Gowns: Sareh Nouri; Laces: House of Sophie Hallette; Hair & Makeup: Magda’s Designs; Venue: The Ashford Estate}

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

{Random} End of Year Brain Fog

inspirational quotes

When a friend of mine recently described her cluttered, overworked mind as suffering from a “brain fog” I found myself 100% relating to the term!

The year was crammed with projects, tasks and assignments that never seemed to end. Am I grateful? Oh yes. Unbelievably so. Am I relieved to take a short break over the holidays, reflect on what I learned this past year and look forward to what lies ahead for me in 2014? Why, yes, I am relieved for the time to step away from the daily routine and recharge my batteries. I have found that there is great relief in turning off all of the devices to let my eyes rest  and my brain STOP.

For in that stillness my creativity returns and I am, once again, present.


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Sunday, December 1, 2013

{Events} Special Event Design Trends for 2014

metallic gold trend for event design melissa paul

As seen in my December column in InTents Magazine, special event trends are constantly evolving and, thankfully, continuing to find a way to bring out the best in the business. From thematic design statements to technological advances, in my opinion, these eight trends are the ones to watch in 2014:

THE RETURN OF BLACK TIE Once again we can thank Hollywood for the reemergence of luxury and formality. Movies focusing on the 1920s and 1930s like The Great Gatsby and television shows like Downton Abbey have brought the elegant era of black tie formal style, lavish celebrations and stately sit-down dinners back in style. Expect to see grand house parties with plenty of sparkling crystal stemware, polished silver vessels, vases and serving pieces, traditional fabric tablecloths, napkins and runners, and shimming chandeliers suspended over long dinner tables. But thankfully, this trend does not include dripping crystals on empty branches. Those days are long gone.

DRAMATIC DESTINATION VENUES Whether for weddings, birthday celebrations or corporate meetings, destination venues with their natural beauty and dramatic views continue to gain in popularity for events. Corporate conferences, retreats and political gatherings are discovering the allure of tropical destinations, if only for small leadership meetings. The other notable trend for destination is the ever-growing increase in larger tented celebrations in far off locations. As Carlos Damy, Owner and Business Director for Elena Damy Floral and Event Design in Los Cabos, Mexico shares,

“Once considered the ideal way to elope or enjoy a smaller, intimate wedding celebration, we’re happily seeing destination weddings expanding into grand ballrooms and tented spaces in 2014 and 2015.”

TRADITION TOPS THE TABLE Over the past few years the focus has been on mini foods that guests can enjoy in one-bite, maybe two or three. Small plates, tapas flights and cocktail foods served during dinner. But 2014 will see the return to heartier, sit-down meals that show off the plated classics. Caterer Max Hansen, a classically trained chef and cookbook author in Bucks County, Pennsylvania states,

“The most popular foodie choices for 2014 events seem to be stylishly plated dinners that feature elegant-but-modern presentations of the best local ingredients available. Hosts are savvier than ever, requesting seasonal entrees like venison, pheasant, roast beef and salmon, served on fine china from covered silver platters by formally trained servers.”

TALL FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS For many floral designers, tall arrangements disappeared due to design preference, perceived extravagance or true budgetary restrictions. But over-sized floral decorations are back en vogue and are making bold statements in party spaces. Whether designed in traditional silver candelabra, sculptural glass vases, or sleek modern metal containers, tall floral arrangements are a design element 2014 hosts are prioritizing in their event budgets.

“Nothing gets me more excited than to have a client walk into my design studio carrying a pile of photos of big, fabulous floral displays!” says Brian Kappra, Creative Director of Evantine Design, an award-winning floral design and event planning company in Philadelphia. “Mixing high and low floral across a party room makes such a visual impact, and when guests spend 4-5 hours in that space, it’s an event designer’s dream to create an environment with layers of color and texture. It tells a story like nothing else.”

SHARED EXPERIENCES Seamless planning and impeccable execution is a must for special events, we all know that. But today’s successful events need more than that to achieve greater impact. Particularly for corporate launches, non-profit fundraising, and social awareness campaigns. Corporate clients are asking for more from their event professionals beyond stunning decor and experiential agencies like Broadstreet and The Experiential Agency are reaching further into standard event planning territory. These marketing integration agencies are helping to leverage parties and events into opportunities to meet, exchange, share and build community engagement in new, multimedia methods. GET TECHIE WITH IT Using technology and strategic communication is key in today’s party planning world, and forward-thinking event planners are providing event attendees with all-in-one apps they can use to track activities, connect with business contacts and share their experiences via social networks. But what takes the technology to another level, is using apps before, during and after an event to engage with attendees and guests for lasting impressions. That includes weddings, social parties, non-profits AND corporate events. One of the most popular for weddings is the Wedding Party App. Don’t ask “are you using an app?” Instead, show you’re aware of the trends and ask your clients “which app are you using?” and incorporate it into the planning process. GLITTERING GOLD For some time now, metallics have ruled the roost in event design in accessories and embellishments. Something on the dinner table glimmered and shined, if only the flickering vintage votive candles. But thanks to the recent spotlight on the Art Deco era, gleaming, glittering gold is back in fashion. Even bridal fashion designers like Claire Pettibone and Elie Saab are featuring gold embroidery, lace and fabrics in their 2014 wedding gowns. Not only is gold a versatile tone for any type of event, it looks fantastic paired with every other color on the rainbow as well as other metals. Softer shades such as pale blue, lavender and pink keep gold toned down; whereas, cranberry red, crisp white and midnight blue turn the drama of gold up high on the designer dial. Gold is warm and adds a sprinkling of sophistication to whatever it touches! Mixed with other metals such as pewter and bronze, gold reaches new heights of glamour. LIVING WALLS Bringing the outdoors in is a huge design trend exploding in interiors, and just now starting to show its green face in events. A living wall or “green wall” is a vertical display of plant material and/or flowers that are used environmentally in gardens with space restrictions, or in residential homes for eco-air-filtering-appeal. Now, living walls can be used in tents, along walkways and marquees, or behind stages as sweeping decorative statements. Not only does some form of living walls take floral design to a whole new level of artistic skill, but it magically disguises any unsightly equipment with stunning efficiency.

“With a nod to theatrical set design, using dried flowers mixed with fresh can make this extravagant element more affordable without sacrificing impact, ” says Brian Kappra of Evantine Design.

{Photo courtesy of Tyler Boye and Evantine Design}

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Comments ( 0 ) | Posted in Event Industry, Party Planning, Wedding Planner Coach, Weddings & Parties
Tuesday, October 22, 2013

{Fashion} A Gray Day

gray versace evening gown

On this sunny autumn day all I see is gray. Layers and layers of luscious gray tulle and intricate embroidery by Versace.

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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

{Bridal Gowns} Berta Bridal


Graceful, feminine, and seriously sensual. The 2013 Collection from Berta Bridal is, as always, simply stunning. For Berta, the Israeli fashion designer responsible for these elegant, sexy wedding gowns, fashion is a way of life and has been since she was a child. Not for the body conscious, these body hugging, back revealing, cleavage dipping wedding dresses take traditional to a whole {nouveau} level.     {Available at select bridal salons}




wedding-dresses-berta-bridal-2013-f133cee1bca59ce46f1a72eb0114d293e 13830acb42b6d1a8988412415bfec7d7 b7c788761c6299dfa7b2f40bdf69b703 sexy-wedding-dresses-berta-bridal-2012-3227(4) berta-bridal-2013-zz berta-bridal-2013 fbddfb84ec34ec2b61df778db502ee2a wedding-dresses-berta-bridal-2013-i wedding-dresses-berta-bridal-2013-e wedding-dresses-berta-bridal-2013-c

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Comments ( 0 ) | Posted in Fashion, Weddings & Parties